Don’t cry, you’ll upset the other children

I’m quite sure my child’s kindergarten teacher was not the first to utter those words, and I get that a classroom full of crying kids would be tough. But I do wonder if she ever stopped to wonder what effect her words would have. What other messages those words held;

Your feelings are wrong, because they might upset someone else.

Other people’s feelings are more important than yours.

It is not okay to feel sad. If you do, you must fake a smile and pretend that everything is okay.

With comments like this we are also teaching them that they are not master of their emotions, that they cannot be happy if someone else is upset.

We teach them to stuff their messiness for fear of hurting others.

We teach them to suppress.

Eventually they hide so much for fear of hurting others they no longer know where they end and everyone else begins.

And the cycle repeats again.

What have you lost in hiding your tears?